My heart belongs to my husband, but Edward Cullen can have my neck!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


There is so much that goes on in my life and so many things I could blog about that trying to pick just one leaves me overwhelmed and then I don't do it. And then all of you (my HUGE wonderful audience) would continue to miss out on the entertainment of my thoughts! LOL! So, I guess this will be my attempt at documenting some of the craziness in my life.

Let's see. First I have to boot Spaz off my keyboard, AGAIN just so I can type. The crazy cat thinks he has to be in my face when it is least convenient to me. Guess that goes to follow the saying of, "Dogs have owners. Cats have Staff."

I mowed the back lawn today after working an 11 hour day. It was overcast and starting to sprinkle. About half way through, it started to rain a little bit more and the stupid thing ran out of gas... Mean while I am thinking that I am officially a Northwest resident- I am mowing my lawn in the rain! So, I refilled the gas tank and finished mowing the lawn as it began to pour down more. And then, just as I finished, it stopped raining.... Figures!

So while we are on the subject of being a Northwest resident, I have picked up a few of what some people would consider less desirable traits... No, I did not stop bathing. Yes, I still take a shower daily and I am not one of the people in Washington state that contributes to being the lowest consumption of personal hygiene products (soap and shampoo).

The first thing to go was shaving... I still do it once in a while, but I have to feel like it or be to the point of being really groused out by it to finally shave. And then it is still only to my knees. Who started this whole thing of shaving legs and arm pits, anyway? Subjecting myself to razor burn and ingrown hair is not my idea of fun or glamorous. Maybe I was born in the wrong time and place when it comes to that particular "grooming" practice. So, everyone else can deal with it. I will wear my knee highs with skirts on Sundays to hide the hair on my legs and shirts that don't expose my arm pits. But to me, it is all about my comfort. :P (But I still pluck my facial hair!)

Next thing to go was make-up. Again, who started that??? To me it is a colossal waste of time. I will still wear it if we are going some place nice, for pictures, and church. But that is about it. No more wearing make-up to work for me. I need sleep! Now instead of taking 90 mins to get ready for work in the morning, I am down to 30 mins from rolling out of bed to walking out the door. Let me tell you how liberating it is! I am not the make-up. And guess what? People still like me. They still talk to me and take me seriously. They still respect me. And I have also found that I still respect myself as well.

The "no wearing make-up" started when Will and I were attending the Temple every Saturday morning. We were getting up so early and I was so grumpy with all the time spent trying to get my make-up just right and my hair just right and then worrying about my make-up running the whole time I was there. Add to that my allergies, and I was paying more attention to my discomfort from running mascara and how I looked than to what I could be learning. So, that was the start of the absence of make-up! I got so much more out of it once I decided to no longer wear it. And it eventually trickled over to my daily life. Some times I will still have a little nag from that voice in my head that tells me that I have to be "all put together", but for the most part, I tell her to put a sock in it.

OK, that is enough for tonight. I am tired and have another crazy busy day tomorrow. Work at 5:30... Kimmy is coming for a visit (unless I need to call and change the train tickets for her a 4th time and she decides not to come). JJ has 2 hours of gymnastics and have to check him out of school for that. Hoping to find something fun to show Kimmy while she is here (again, providing she actually comes). Then have to work really early for a couple hours on Friday and then more time with Kimmy before she has to go back to the train station.

Good night all!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The Little Man - Growing Pains

Yesterday as I sat at gymnastics I watched my son work on various things that gymnasts do. Being that I really should have gotten him in to gymnastics YEARS ago, he has done many things on his own and developed many bad habits when it comes time to compete.

We hired his coach to also do an hour of private training once a week to help him to overcome these issues and to excel at a rate that he needs (fast). So, he gets 2 hours of gymnastics on Saturdays. One with a group of 2-3 other boys and then an hour that is all one on one with the coach.

When we first signed the Little Man up for gymnastics, the coach he had was VERY laid back. He let a lot of things go and was not holding the boys to any real structure or strongly encouraging them to really improve. It was a more of a leisurely rate... Not good for an ADHD/Bipolar child who needs structure and clear outline of expectations. Not to mention, highly competitive.

I kept asking about other options for my son and was finally suggested a different coach at a different time. I was all over that... I was not paying to have my son just play. I could take him to a park for that.

What a HUGE blessing Coach Hamlet is to us! I don't know all of his back ground, but he speaks Russian and has a strong accent. He is small in stature and extremely strict. I was warned that some of the parents did not like him because he was too harsh on the kids, but that he knew his stuff and could help him to succceed at gymnastics.

Out of all the issues the Little Man has had with behavior and such (I'll save all those details of this past school year and the mess that was for another post), this man, Coach Hamlet, has my son's full attention.

The first few lessons with Hamlet, the Little Man was a little miffed at the end of the class. In fact, the 2nd class, I got glares that made me glad he didn't have any super powers. LOL. He was MAD! I heard all about it on the way home and for hours afterwords.

As we have continued through this and kept the Little Man going to gymnastics, some days it is a fight to get him to go. I have wondered sometimes if it is really worth the fight. Yesterday I had a clear answer to this... Yes, it is worth the fight. I realized that with all the situations that my son has with his outbursts of anger, melt downs or manic episodes; Hamlet has never experienced one of those with him. The Little Man has an extreme amount of admiration and respect for Hamlet.

So, yesterday as I sat and watched him be pushed and watched the anger build, I was sitting on the edge of my seat, just waiting for him to blow.... waiting... waiting... I got the evil glares... I just knew that this was going to be the first time that Hamlet would see this side of the Little Man.

As Hamlet would correct him and tell him to do things different and to listen completely before he assumed what he was going to say... he challenged the Little Man and told him that he needs to pay attention. He told him he needs to remember what he is told and to think while he is doing it, not just go... Wow! I saw the tears start... I knew what was next and was preparing to chase after him when he would bolt. (His normal reaction when he gets angry and irrational in saying he wants to kill himself.)

....It never happened.....!?!?!?! Are you serious? He was able to get through it without blowing up??? He continued to give me the glares... But also worked to try to improve on what Hamlet was telling him. I was/am floored! I felt so much pride! My son is learning self control and self respect!!!!

I was fully prepared for the melt down afterwords. The one that always happens when he has had a rough day. I have come to know when those will happen, now and have learned to not engage him until he is rational. Once he calms down, we can talk about it and he can learn something from it.

So, as I was preparing for this, it struck me. I needed to point out to the Little Man what I had seen. I needed to tell him how proud I was of him.

The melt down and yelling came as we entered the parking lot. His statements of how much he hates gymnastics and that he just sucks at it and hates me for making him go.... At that point, I turned to him and told him just what I had seen in him that day and that I was so full of gratitude and pride in him. It almost completely disarmed him right away! His response back to me was, "But I was still MAD!"

Wow. All of that, that he had overcome and he was still beating himself up just because he was mad. I then told him that it is OK to be mad. I told him it happens to everyone. And then turned it back to how huge it was that even though he was REALLY mad, he controlled it until he could work it out rationally! And that is what was most important. I then also told him how wonderful his physical abilities are and how much stronger he is physically because of all the hard work he has done. And that was it. No more anger over the whole thing.

YAY!!!! Thank you Heavenly Father for getting through to me that this is what he needed.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Celebrating My Grandpa's Life

I am fighting very conflicting emotions right now as I am trying to understand what I am feeling with the passing of my Grandpa. Grandpa has always been there. I have always known that he loves me and have never doubted that. It is just so hard to accept that he is not there to stop in and see anytime.

As I was told that Grandpa only had days, I felt peace, but was also so sad. I wanted to go to him, but also feared the hurt I would feel from seeing him so vulnerable. Grandpa has always been so strong and has always literally crushed me with his hugs. I don't think he realized his strength, but I wouldn't trade those hugs for anything.

I think about the sound of his voice and can hear and picture him in my heart. I can hear his deep laugh that comes from his toes. And how his eyes tear up when it is the first time he has seen me in a long time. I know that he knows how much I love him.

Grandpa is such a great man. He loves all of his family so much. He is so giving and caring to everyone. I can't think of him in the past tense, because I know his spirit is still alive. I have no doubt that he and Grandma are having a joyous reunion as well as all his siblings that he put so much effort into making sure their temple work was done before he would decide it was OK for him to leave this life.

There is a song that I have been listening to that has always reminded me of Grandpa. And it describes pretty accurately how I feel about Grandpa. It is called, "He's A Hero" by SheDaisy. Here are the Lyrics.

"He's A Hero"

He's a young man
In his golden years
His hair of black now quickly fades to gray
The limp as he walks is his only souvenir
From those purple-hearted war time days

But you don't hear him complain
No matter how the fall
I don't have a lot, he'd smile and say
But lord I have it all

He's a hero
In my mother's eyes
He taught her how to raise me right
and never compromise

He always says he has the
finer things in life
Somewhere to live, someone to love
and the Good book to live by

Some say his heart is big
All though his fortune's small
I don't have a lot, he'd smile and say
But lord I have it all

A rembrandt in his own right
A master at his craft
Creating something beautiful
A memory that will last
And always last

He's the constant
In our family
Beginning this long line of love
We've cared

And even when he's gone he'll watch over me
When I close my eyes at night I feel him there

Wear my name, well my child
Be true and stand tall
You don't have a lot he'd always say
But lord you have it all

You don't have a lot he'd always say
But thank the Lord you have it all

Hero in my mother's eyes

I love you, Grandpa! I miss you! I do have it all. Thank you for the legacy you have left for your posterity!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

What I Am Thankful For

I am thankful for...

my family far and near.
friends and neighbors who are so thoughtful of me and my family.
a home to live in and enjoy.
new opportunities to learn and grow.
a means to help support my family.
this free land.
the plan of salvation.
pain that helps me to learn. ;)
a husband who is my best friend and who will challenge me and help me to become stronger.
a son who has a desire to do what is right and is the light of my life.

Sunday, November 23, 2008


Thanks to my sister-in-law and the fact that I am collecting some pictures for my mother-in-laws birthday present, I am having some flash back moments...

The little man has grown so much!

Friday, November 21, 2008


I am sooo bumbed. Because of all the things going on in my life right now and all the responsibilities that I have as an adult, I will not be seeing Twilight until next week some time. I am so disappointed.

So, all you people who have already seen it, I am happy for you!

I will definitely be seeing it with my hubby. I was going to go tomorrow afternoon with The Man Who Has My Heart and his aunt and uncle and some other friends... Instead, I will be cleaning and preparing for many things going on in my life next week. After Tuesday, it will be much different. Maybe Wednesday while The Little Man is at school, we can go see it. Time will tell. Of course, there is Thanksgiving day, but the The Little Man would have to go with us and I am not sure how he would feel about seeing Twilight or if it is even appropriate for him at the age of 8.

I heard some mixed reviews about the movie, so far. Some who loved it and others who thought it was stupid... I hope I will enjoy it.

The morning radio show that I listen to, 94.1 KMPS, have been talking about the movie and the books all week. They had a ride up to Forks, WA where Ichabod Caine lived as a child. This morning they interviewed Forks Mayor, Nedra Reed. That was kind of cool.

I find it amusing that no one will actually be watching Twilight in theatres in Forks, because, there is no theatre in Forks. Twilight has been good for their economy, though. The locals have really embraced the whole fan base.

Anyway, until I see the movie, I will just have to continue to look forward to seeing it with anticipation.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

There's Snow in Those Mountains!

Yep. Fall is here! Winter is coming!

Friday, October 31, 2008

This Man Really Scares Me

I pray Obama does not win the election. I really think he is a sick man. Reading things like this about him sends all kinds of red flags up with me. Corupt. Corupt. Corupt!!! Something to hide. Doesn't want any real digging by anyone who doesn't support him... As much as I dislike John Kerry, I think this Obama is far more evil....

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Here's How I See It...

OK, I guess I am in one of those phases of being completely stuck on something I can't let go of. Call it OCD, call it whatever you like. Thing is, it is something that bothers me.

OK, I am LDS. I have not done or said anything to lead anyone to believe contrary to that and I am not about to start. I fully embrace the Gospel and have been blessed immensely for it. I have friends and acquaintances that believe very differently than I do. I still love them and I still want them to be happy. I am not wishing for anything bad for them because they do not believe the same way I do. I am not even going to condemn them for not believing the same as me.

Here is what I am thinking... I have been taught and I believe that drinking alcohol is morally wrong. Yet, it is legal to drink at the age of 21. I still have my right to believe it is morally wrong and am not condemned for it. And I am not out there in people's faces at the bars telling them that they are sinners...

So, in m opinion, when it comes to homosexual "marriage" being legalized? Some of the overactive, overbearing "activists" screwed it up for all of us, both homosexuals and heterosexuals.

From what I understand, homosexuals want legal rights; protection for themselves and their partners from persecution and able to "live their lifestyle in peace." Am I wrong?

Here is how I see it; if it had not been jammed down every one's throats and forced into our homes and schools, they could have had what they wanted. You don't see them teaching youth at any age in schools that they should consume alcohol. Yet, it is legal at the age of 21. And there are even those who would persuade the youth NOT to drink and tell them they will regret it... Their free agency still allows them to do it if done responsibly.

Doctors are still aloud to tell their patients that it is wrong or even refer them to other doctors or refuse to see them if they are not following what is recommended. They are not forced to treat them. And, if a doctor is not willing to treat me because of my beliefs, I don't want them to treat me! I will look for another doctor. I prefer to have those around me who are looking out for my well being to be on the same page as me.

Anyway, that is my take on all of it. The reason they are getting so much opostion is because of the actions of some who took things WAY too far. I have the right to protect my son from influences and teachings contrary to my beliefs. I will still teach him that it is wrong, just as I will teach him that drinking, drugs, sex before marriage, etc is wrong. And I will still continue to also teach him that those who do not believe the same as us are still good people and worthy of love. I still love and care about the people in my life who do not believe as I do.

OK, maybe I can let go of this, now.



"I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money. You can keep the change!"

"I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money. You can keep the change!"
Vote Sarah Palin for President in 2012

IQ Test - IQ Test


Disclaimer #1

Some of my views and feelings expressed are due to having dealt with some very challenging relationships lately. Namely, having had 2 foster daughters for the past 3 years and having loved them and wanting so badly to make a positive difference in their lives.

After realizing that I have done all that I can do and admitting that it is time to "let them go", there is a measure of hurt and bitterness that I am working through. I need time to heal and to figure out how to deal with the feelings and emotions that I am left with.

Some of my posts are not going to be very uplifting and some will be down right uncomfortable to read. I recognize how difficult it is to be a part of peoples lives who struggle with depression. It is exhausting and not something that "refills ones cup."

My intentions in blogging are not to bring anyone down or suck them into my, sometimes depressing thoughts. I am not looking for a pity party or for people to suck dry.

For this new chapter in my life, I need to work on me and my family and strengthening who we are as individuals and a family unit. And most importantly, building our relationship with our Heavenly Father. I want to be a better person.

I hope that by being able to reflect on my feelings in blogging, I can heal and maybe somehow help someone else who has been through similar challenges/experiences to move forward and overcome their trials. I also recognize that in this, there may be others who have had experiences that can be shared with me to give me hope and encouragement. - I welcome your comments either way.

Disclaimer #2

If you have not read any or some of the Twilight series books and have a desire to and don't want to spoil anything, you might want to use caution in reading some of my posts that look like they are related to my feelings on the books.

I don't intend to spoil any of that reading experience for anyone. It has been a wonderful fantasy world and escape for me - a HUGE blessing for me to be able to think on these fictional people so that I could function "through the motions" of my life.


Squirty Wart is a nick name my father gave me when I was little. I always hated it. In looking to protect myself and family from online preditors, it has become a very convenient name for me to use and it has actually grown on me. ;)