The Little Man - Growing Pains

Yesterday as I sat at gymnastics I watched my son work on various things that gymnasts do. Being that I really should have gotten him in to gymnastics YEARS ago, he has done many things on his own and developed many bad habits when it comes time to compete.

We hired his coach to also do an hour of private training once a week to help him to overcome these issues and to excel at a rate that he needs (fast). So, he gets 2 hours of gymnastics on Saturdays. One with a group of 2-3 other boys and then an hour that is all one on one with the coach.

When we first signed the Little Man up for gymnastics, the coach he had was VERY laid back. He let a lot of things go and was not holding the boys to any real structure or strongly encouraging them to really improve. It was a more of a leisurely rate... Not good for an ADHD/Bipolar child who needs structure and clear outline of expectations. Not to mention, highly competitive.

I kept asking about other options for my son and was finally suggested a different coach at a different time. I was all over that... I was not paying to have my son just play. I could take him to a park for that.

What a HUGE blessing Coach Hamlet is to us! I don't know all of his back ground, but he speaks Russian and has a strong accent. He is small in stature and extremely strict. I was warned that some of the parents did not like him because he was too harsh on the kids, but that he knew his stuff and could help him to succceed at gymnastics.

Out of all the issues the Little Man has had with behavior and such (I'll save all those details of this past school year and the mess that was for another post), this man, Coach Hamlet, has my son's full attention.

The first few lessons with Hamlet, the Little Man was a little miffed at the end of the class. In fact, the 2nd class, I got glares that made me glad he didn't have any super powers. LOL. He was MAD! I heard all about it on the way home and for hours afterwords.

As we have continued through this and kept the Little Man going to gymnastics, some days it is a fight to get him to go. I have wondered sometimes if it is really worth the fight. Yesterday I had a clear answer to this... Yes, it is worth the fight. I realized that with all the situations that my son has with his outbursts of anger, melt downs or manic episodes; Hamlet has never experienced one of those with him. The Little Man has an extreme amount of admiration and respect for Hamlet.

So, yesterday as I sat and watched him be pushed and watched the anger build, I was sitting on the edge of my seat, just waiting for him to blow.... waiting... waiting... I got the evil glares... I just knew that this was going to be the first time that Hamlet would see this side of the Little Man.

As Hamlet would correct him and tell him to do things different and to listen completely before he assumed what he was going to say... he challenged the Little Man and told him that he needs to pay attention. He told him he needs to remember what he is told and to think while he is doing it, not just go... Wow! I saw the tears start... I knew what was next and was preparing to chase after him when he would bolt. (His normal reaction when he gets angry and irrational in saying he wants to kill himself.)

....It never happened.....!?!?!?! Are you serious? He was able to get through it without blowing up??? He continued to give me the glares... But also worked to try to improve on what Hamlet was telling him. I was/am floored! I felt so much pride! My son is learning self control and self respect!!!!

I was fully prepared for the melt down afterwords. The one that always happens when he has had a rough day. I have come to know when those will happen, now and have learned to not engage him until he is rational. Once he calms down, we can talk about it and he can learn something from it.

So, as I was preparing for this, it struck me. I needed to point out to the Little Man what I had seen. I needed to tell him how proud I was of him.

The melt down and yelling came as we entered the parking lot. His statements of how much he hates gymnastics and that he just sucks at it and hates me for making him go.... At that point, I turned to him and told him just what I had seen in him that day and that I was so full of gratitude and pride in him. It almost completely disarmed him right away! His response back to me was, "But I was still MAD!"

Wow. All of that, that he had overcome and he was still beating himself up just because he was mad. I then told him that it is OK to be mad. I told him it happens to everyone. And then turned it back to how huge it was that even though he was REALLY mad, he controlled it until he could work it out rationally! And that is what was most important. I then also told him how wonderful his physical abilities are and how much stronger he is physically because of all the hard work he has done. And that was it. No more anger over the whole thing.

YAY!!!! Thank you Heavenly Father for getting through to me that this is what he needed.